woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We left the knife in your bed.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
