I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
