I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
