We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
