hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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