moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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