Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
