I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
