I accidentally had phone sex last night
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
