so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
