well I can't set my house on fire every night
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
