fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
