i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
