got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
