He uses pillows to masturbate.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
