its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
