I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
