what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
And then he peed in my hair
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