I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
