he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
