why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
