I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
