im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
