So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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