You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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