I just made out with a guy for $7.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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