it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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