my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
