Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
