I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
