When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
