Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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