What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
