I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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