I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
