I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
