I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
