My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
