Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
