I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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