what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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