I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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