I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
