yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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