I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
