I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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