Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
