i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
