At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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