she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
