Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
