I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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