Your face is a jimmy john
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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