I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
