I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
