So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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