My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Boobs are out for the taking
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
